Friday, April 29, 2005

Waiting for the Rapture

Am I the only person who is waiting... hoping... praying... for the Rapture to come, so that all of the "really good Christians" get carried away and I get left behind and then I dont every have to listen to their pompous, self-agrandizing, arrogant, insufferable bullshit again!

I can't be the only one, right?

Do you know what my worst nightmare is? My worst nightmare is that, by some fluke of humanity, one of these idiots actually translate Revelations correctly, and it all happens the way they say it will, and I don't get left behind. I have to go with them and spend all of eternity listening to their puffed-up, adle-pated moronic pap. Then I would know God truly, truly hated me.

If this were to happen, and there's a way to commit suicide in Heaven, I'd find it.

I don't know... Between Focus on the Family and the 700 Club, Jesus must be rolling in his grave right about now. (Just kidding, J-man... ya know I love ya....) Seriously, this can't have been what he had in mind.

I've been thinking a lot about this lately (as those of you who have been around me since the November elections know, since I rant about it, ad nauseum). I could be wrong, but I think Christianity may be inately, inherently... I don't know.... broken. I don't mean to say that all Christians are bad or wrong or crazy. There are many brilliant, loving, truly compassionate, Christ-following Christians. And, Christ knows, among every group (and among the non-affiliated as well), you're going to find your unadulterated nutbags. But I think the nature of Christianity as a collective religion -- from its foundation in pagan Roman worship to its history of crusades and inquisitions -- may be flawed in such a way that it derails too easily into something oppressive and ugly.

After the elections (which took place on my 46th birthday), I realized that I didn't want to align myself with Christianity anymore. I felt that, if I couldn't stop the onslaught, I could at least do my part to weaken the slathering masses by one -- me. While I am still a believer in Christ, I no longer call myself a "Christian." I had considered the path of Messianic Judaism, but after a couple of encounters with that group, I was surprised to see that the average Messianic Jew is trying to "out-Baptist" the Baptists. No, thanks. I was left on my own to figure out where I stand -- which, when you get right down to it, is where one should be when determining the nature of one's faith. And being so "unassigned" left me free to figure out what I believe.

Here's what I've come to. If Jesus didn't talk about it, God doesn't think it's that important. Jesus wasn't an accidental guy. He was very intentional and deliberate. You'd have to be to spend the last few years of your life getting the crap kicked out of you, knowing that at the end of it all, you were going to day a miserably painful death for the sins of others. Homosexuality? Jesus never mentioned it. Ergo, God doesn't think it's important. Abortion (and, yes, there was abortion back then)? Jesus never so much as hinted at it. Tom DeLay, Bill Frist, Antonin Scalia, and the new Pope may be obsessed about abortion, but the Lord wasn't, or Jesus would have brought it up a time or two.

What did Jesus talk about, with unswerving, unambiguous clarity? Love. Tolerance. Social reform. Peace. Acceptance. Lack of judgementalism. Caring for those who can't care for themselves (Matthew 25:31 - 46). These are the things we must do that we are refusing to do. And I find it more than a little disconcerting. Because another thing Jesus did talk about was that, someday, he would be back. He didn't talk about "the Rapture" per se. But he is returning someday, and I personally would kind of like to have the metaphorical living room straightened up when he gets here.

So, I'll keep working on it in my own little way, finding my own path. I bought a pendant that reflects where I'm going spiritually of late.

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I wear it to remind me that Jesus wasn't a Christian -- he was born and died a Jew. And because we already know that he was nothing if not intentional, there had to be a reason for that. So, everybody just go on about your business, as if nothing was out of the ordinary. I'll just be over here, Hoovering the lounge, and Pledging the coffeetable.... just in case.
Then, at the very least, if I get "left behind," the living room will be nice and tidy.


  1. Well said! I personally gave up on the whole organized religion thing at the tender age of 14 when I realized that all were crying "be us, the rest are wrong"! Sounds a lot like the rhetoric from the Black House doesn't it? Gah!

  2. I see your "gah!" and raise you a "feh!" Thanks, Seamus. (And welcome to the Chron.)


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