Wednesday, November 09, 2005

Yes, Mr. Governor... We Are Trying to Tell You Something.

Dear Governor (and I use the word in its most titular sense) Schwarzenegger:

I suppose your wondering by now if it was all a horrible dream. You probably had that slow realization, after you awoke this morning, where you forgot that you had been handed your head on a silver platter by the electorate of this state. That must have been a terrible moment for you. My heart goes out to you.

For someone like you, who is so accustomed to snapping his fingers and having the world jump, the results of Tuesday's elections must have really knocked the wind out of you. You thought you had us all figured out, didn't you. You figured if you couldn't get those idiots in the state capitol to do it your way, you would by-pass them completely. I guess getting handed your hat like that really gave you pause.

Let me try to explain what happened. Here, in America, unlike other countries that shall remain nameless, we have a system called representative democracy, or more accurately, a democratic republic. That means that we elect local folks that we think represent our point of view, we buy them a bus ticket to Sacramento and we pay them a bit of dosh to sit around and pass state laws that are conducive to our way of thinking. This has, so far, proven to be a fairly effective way to run the state. Oh, sure. We've had our rough spots. But by and large, we've come through them alright using this technique.

It is especially effective because people in L.A. and people in, say, Anaheim, or Riverside, don't necessarily see eye-to-eye on what's best for the state. So having representatives working it out in Sacramento, with each other and the governor (that's you, sir, in case you've already lost the thread of this little epistle) is both expedient and fairly civilized. Now, the governor does not always agree with the representatives that we send to the state capitol. Sometimes, he even dislikes them. And in rare cases, he downright hates their guts. See, the beauty of this system is that we pay people to do the bargaining and compromising and negotiating for us, so that we can get on with the meaningless, mundane tasks at hand -- such as feeding our families and trying to find affordable daycare and health plans.

I am not in a position to ask you what your stand is on the state representatives -- any of them -- currently serving terms in Sacramento. The truth is (and I think I speak for most Californians here), I don't give a flying fandango what you think of them. You don't choose them. We do. When you insult them, you're insulting us. Not that that seems to matter much to you. You have made it clear at every turn that you have no respect for this state, for this form of government and for the people who live here.

We just spent a few million dollars on a special election that we neither asked for nor wanted. Ostensibly, we had to dip into an already over-burdened state budget, strained to the brink by your refusal to follow the mandates of the state senate (I refer to the continued rollback of automobile registration fees, which was supposed to be completed two years ago), because you couldn't play well with others. How many school supplies do you think $300 million buys? A lot, I reckon.

So, here's what we're trying to tell you in a nutshell, Mr. Governor. We're trying to tell you that we are NOT going to do your dirty work for you. We are trying to tell you that we are very sorry you aren't getting carte blanche to do whatever suits your rich-ass, Eurotrash fancy, but we have a mode of government here that works well for us, and we're not prepared to change it at this time. We're trying to tell you to get your ever-expanding Teutonic ass back up to Sacramento, plant it in the nearest leather wingback chair and get to work. Real work, Mr. Governor. Not like movies.

This is politics. It's the real world. It's not an Arnold Schwarzenegger ass-kissing festival, where you get to be crowned Queen of the May every day. It's hard work, serious work, for serious folks, and if you're not up to the task, then step aside and let someone who has the meat do the job. Otherwise, get in that 7-miles-to-the-gallon-in-the-city Hummer of yours and find your way back to the state capitol and get busy. Our time is valuable, and our money even more so. Do NOT bother us again with your trifling bullshit.

That is pretty much all that we wanted to say to you, sir -- what we were trying to communicate with our votes on Tuesday. I just thought I'd make that clear, so you didn't misunderstand and take it too personally. Because, as shocking as this may be for you to fathom, sometimes it is just not about you.

Have a nice day, Mr. Governor. Best to the Missus.


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