Wednesday, March 22, 2006

David Letterman Explains It All For You

Addressing Peggy Noonan's speculation in the Wall Street Journal that Dick Cheney might resign after the 2006 elections, in order to give Bush a chance to appoint the prospective Republican presidential candidate for 2008 (what the hell has she been smoking, cuz I need me some o' dat shit!), Cheney told Bob Shieffer this weekend that he had absolutely no plans to do any such thing. End of discussion.

Well, not exactly....

David Letterman later speculated on the top ten reasons why Cheney won't resign:

10. Trying to fix up Condi Rice with his daughter

9. Turns out when you shoot somebody, if you're not vice president, you gotta do time

8. Bush leaves at two every day and then it's margaritas and Fritos

7. Set the solitare high score on his office computer

6. Wants to see if he can help Bush get his approval rating under ten

5. Too hard to give up Vice Presidential Discount at D.C. area Sam Goody stores

4. Wants to stay on the job until every country in the world hates us

3. Extra-zappy White House defibrillators

2. Undisclosed location has foosball and whores

And the Number One reason why Dick Cheney won't resign….

1. Why quit when things are going so well?

~C~

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