Wednesday, December 20, 2006

John Lennon: Musician, Composer, Artist, Poet, and Threat to Western Civiliation as We Know It

The truth about John Lennon's sinister attempts to overthrow Western Civilization have finally been uncovered. After a 25-year battle with the FBI under the Freedom of Information Act, historian Jon Weiner has finally prevailed and the FBI released files obtained in the early 70's from a previously-unnamed "foreign government". In fact, the FBI's argument for refusing to release the papers was its fear that doing so "could lead to diplomatic, political or economic retaliation against the United States."

Among the things the files revealed about that notorious seditionist, John Lennon, were that he was approached by radical leftists to fund the opening of a leftist bookshop and reading room, but refused to give them money. Furthermore, it appears that Lennon intentionally and with malice aforethought contributed absolutely no money to underground or radical organizations. I think we can understand why the FBI was watching this guy so carefully throughout the 70s. He was just full of tricks, wasn't he. (And, to think, some of us actually wondered aloud why it took these guys 19 months to find Patty Hearst. "What could possibly be distracting them?" we would ask, only somewhat rhetorically, looks of bemused consternation on our innocent, upturned faces.)

Oh, and... the foreign government in question? Turns out it was Great Britain.

No word from Tony Blair's government as to when Britain will be declaring economic santions or sending troups into Weiner's stomping grounds at UC Irvine to give him that beat-down he so richly deserves.


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