Thursday, February 28, 2008

Equal-Opportunity Idiocy

Apparently, there's some kind of kerfuffle about John McCain being ineligible for the Presidency because his birth in the Panama Canal zone makes him not a "natural-born citizen." I'm going to address today's blog post to the people trying to fan the flames under this roasting turkey. The rest of you feel free to read a magazine, file your nails or lay your heads down on your desks until we're done. Thanks.

Okay, morons. Because you apparently dozed off in 7th grade World History class, let's take this slowly. I don't want to tax your already feable brain cells, which seem to be pushed to the maximum just trying to keep your hearts pumping and your lungs flexing.

John McCain was born in 1936, to a Air Force officer and his American wife, in the Panama Canal Zone at the base hospital at Coco Solo Air Base. In 1936, the Panama Canal Zone was considered a U.S. Territory. Furthermore, all United States Armed Forces bases abroad are considered to be United States territory. The same holds true for embassies, by the way, in case you geniuses ever find yourselves on Jeopardy and the topic arises.

So, in every respect of the word, John McCain, whom I would never even think of voting for even if he were running against a gerbil, is, in fact, a natural-born citizen.

Nothing, but nothing, bothers me more than ignorance of history and the law. I hate it, hate it, hate it! Why? Because of all the things that are NOT left to the imagination, history and the law are two of them. PEOPLE! IT'S WRITTEN DOWN!!!

Q:"When was the Panama Canal Zone a United States territory?"
A: "Well, among other times, in 1936, when John McCain was born."
Q: "What facilities on foreign soil constitute United States territory?"
A: "Golly, let's look it up in the book -- why, that would be military bases and embassies."

Morons. Idiots. I'm surrounded by them. Can we please focus on the issues at hand and stop with the triflin' bullshit, please? We have work to do and your little plates are full, and so is mine. I don't want to have to keep stopping and explaining it to you because you were busy playing tic-tac-toe in Social Studies.

~C~

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