Monday, March 03, 2008

To All the Whack-Assed Morons With Guns At the Ready

Dear Sirs and/or Madams:

If you feel the need to get all dressed up, shine up the Baretta 9mm, walk into Wendy's or the First Baptist Church or Lane Bryants and kill people and then kill yourselves afterward, would you kindly take a moment to consider skipping the middle man.

Forget the dressing up. Forget the shining of the pistol. Forget using the gas and time to drive to the nearest church, mall or fast-food restaurant.

Please, do us all a favor, and either seek professional help, or -- if you just can't seem to bring yourselves to that -- sit down on the end of your bed, put the gun in your mouth and just kill yourselves in the privacy of your own bedrooms, where you can't hurt anyone else.

Not to seem unsympathetic or anything, but... when you start shooting people who are committing such acts of aggression as eating Egg McMuffins, then we aren't sympathetic. We don't give a shit. We just hate you.

Thanks.

~C~

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