Thursday, October 02, 2008

Hey, Joe, What D'Ya Know? (On Second Thought, Don't Answer That.)

Dear Joe --

It's not that I don't think you're a crack debater and sterling public speaker. You had moments of sheer and delightful brilliance at the Convention.

But you and I both know you have this... tendency. It's that thing that happens to your mouth when you, like, talk. That thing where say things like, "When the crash of '29 happened, Franklin Roosevelt went on television and talked about it." (By now, you have been reminded that in '29, Hoover was still president, and the television wasn't invented for another two decades.) That stuff happens with you, though I'm not sure why.

Listen to me carefully, Joe, because I say this for your own good. Please do not do anything like that tonight. Don't be cunning. Don't be precious. Please resist all temptation to be clever in any way. See, the truth is, it's all on her to prove herself. If you get a little anxious, you're going to blow it. If you try and get clever, you're going to end up saying something that we'll all regret. You'll want to steer clear of any references to inventing anything technological, like the Internet or the Blackberry. You'll also want to stay away from any topics having to do with FDR and television, since that seems to be a shaky period in history for you.

Best of luck to you, Senator. Be fair, be gracious, be as you were on Convention night, and we'll all be fine.

~C~

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