Monday, October 05, 2009

Vote For Meg Whitman for California Governor, 2010


Because what California really needs is another fat-ass, white billionaire who insults state employees (you know them, the ones who've been recently given unpaid furloughs, had their salaries reduced by 14%, are receiving IOUs and vouchers instead of paychecks, and are threatened already with massive lay-offs), calls them "bureacrats", then scapegoats them for all the mistakes made by boot-kissing legislators and bankers over the last ten years.

Not only has this unfeeling imbecile never served in any lower-level elected office, but she didn't even register to vote until she was 46 years old.  She's 53 now.  How is that possible?  I registered to vote the very first day I was eligible, six months before my 18th birthday.  And I've voted ever since. Where the hell has she been?  Oh, wait... the country club, maybe?  Elizabeth Arden's, getting that well-earned facial? (Because business is hard on a girl's complexion, after all.)


Whitman's sole claim to fame is having once served as the CEO of eBay.  Yeah, that's right -- eBay.  She didn't invent it, mind you.  She just ran the company for several years, and managed to do so without running it into the ground. Bravo to her.  Her corporate strategy was probably similar to her gubernatorial outline -- when eBay's profits dipped, she probably fired the receptionist and the mailroom clerk, after accusing them of dragging the company down with their greedy demands for minimum wage salaries and enforced lunch breaks. 

Go ahead, California. Vote for Meg Whitman.  You voted for Arnold Schwarzenegger in two successive elections, because you thought it was cute and charming to be able to use the term "Governator".  Whitman ought to be right up your simple-minded, GOP-lovin' alley.

Here's my proposed campaign slogan for her:

"Meg Whitman. Not only unqualified, but cruel and really ignorant, too."

That ought to make her a shoe-in, extending California's fine tradition of choosing the least qualified, most incompetent governors we can find.



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