Thursday, December 24, 2009

Happy Birthday, Mom

Today would have been the BIG SEVEN-SIX.  I have a tough time wrapping my brain around that.

But this is how you should be remembered.

Many happy returns of the day, wherever - and whoever - you are now.

Monday, December 21, 2009

Dear Congress...

Since we now have photographic evidence that hell has frozen over....

... can we have an effective, affordable plan to reform health care in America? 

Kindest regards,


P.S. God called -- he said to tell you karma's a bitch.

Sunday, December 06, 2009

"It's Complicated."

You never know what Hollywood will find as inspiration for a movie, so I guess it was only a matter of time before they decided that a Facebook relationship status was as good a place as any.  I haven't seen the movie yet, and only know a little bit about it based on the teaser trailers running on television.  Therefore, this isn't a review of the movie.

It's actually a review of the Facebook relationship status.  Two words: "thumbs down."

I hate that status, and when I see it, I can only think one thing. "Drama queen."  Man or woman, boy or girl, chimp or muscrat.  If you've put "It's complicated" as your relationship status, you're either dating someone who's married, living with someone else, crazy or in prison.  My advice is only this.  Stop.  Stop it now.  If you're even tempted to change your relationship status to "It's complicated," that ought to be an indicator right then that you are on the precipice of making an utterly disastrous mistake.


Because love -- real, dyed-in-the-wool love that is born in the heart with no reservations -- is simply not complicated.  It just isn't.  Loving someone is the most basic thing in the world.  Either you do or you don't.  There's nothing "complicated" about that.  It only gets complicated if you are schtupping someone else's spouse or partner, or there is some kind of exigent circumstance (such as the aforementioned insanity or incarceration) that makes love not only difficult, but completely ill-advised and possibly dangerous as well.

I have a friend, and she has a Facebook page.  She and her husband are on the brink of divorce, with only the legal details to be worked out and the papers signed.  Furthermore, she has recently relocated from one state to another.  At the beginning of the summer, she met a man she believes is the love of her life (from what we've all heard about him, he absolutely is).  He lives in her former state, about 800 miles from her new locale.  He has children.  She has children.  Her divorce and custody arrangements have yet to be determined.  Now, that sounds pretty fucking complicated, if you ask me.

But my friend is not a spineless, wishy-washy jellyfish, and neither is her new man.  No "It's complicated" for either of them.  Their Facebook pages lists each as "in a relationship" with the other. Why? Because, while other parts of their lives are very, very logistically complicated, their love is not.  Their love is simple.  It's basic.  It's true.  Their love is perhaps the only thing in their shared life that is not complicated.  As long as that's the case, they (and I, and perhaps all who love them) know that the rest of it is just logistics. And there isn't a single logistical problem that can't be solved, given enough time and determination.

If "it's complicated," end it. If "it's complicated," I can pretty much promise you that it's so broken, it will never be right.  Because by the time it's reached "complicated," other things have become way more important than the love itself, and the love is now on life support.  Pull the damn plug already, my steadfast little drama queens.

I have spent the better part of my life believing that love was always complicated, and painful, and ugly and infested with character flaws and psychological problems. I finally got it.  Love isn't like that.  The people who love make it that way.  And, let's face it, we all know folks who are addicted to "it's complicated."  For them, if it's not complicated -- if someone's not screaming or pitching a fit or demanding their own way or indulging an addiction, a whim or an obsession, if they haven't picked the most wounded, bruised, damaged, troubled article off the shelf -- then life's just not worth living.  God, have I had my fill of "complicated."  And I've definitely had my fill of men who need "complicated," just so they can feel like they're alive in the world.

I need uncomplicated.  I need simple.  Do you love me?  Please answer with a simple "yes" or "no".  "Maybe" won't cut it.  "It's too soon to tell" might buy you an extra week or so, but don't count on much more.  And "It's complicated" will get you shown straight to the door, suitcases in hand, and a request to lose my phone number.  Because if love is complicated for you, then one of us is in need of some psychological counseling, and I've already had mine, thanks.  "It's complicated" is for pussies.

I'm not sure what the movie is about.  I gather that there's a rekindled affair between a divorced couple who are now remarried to other people. Yep. That is complicated. Didn't have to be. They could have just not gotten involved again, and it would have simplified life considerably.  Of course, the movie would have been about twelve minutes long, so there ya go.  We'll leave that kind of silliness to the movies.

Here, on this plane of reality, love isn't complicated. It just is. Or it isn't. Either way, the solutions are as simple as they can be.